Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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