the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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