you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
