i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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