I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
there's paper in my vomit.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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