I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
