I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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