question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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