the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
