just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
