i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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