I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
