Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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