My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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