I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
