I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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