Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
