Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
