It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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