Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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