NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
