At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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