I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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