I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
