maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
