im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
