I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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