just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
