What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
