therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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