Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
