im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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