We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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