Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
