yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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