no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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