this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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