I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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