Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
