I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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