sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
