yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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