I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
