it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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