Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We are two peas in an std pod
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
