Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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