I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
