I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
