its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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