Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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