i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
