party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
